CHRISTINE: From The New York Times, you’re listening to The Wirecutter Show.
CAIRA: Hey, everyone, it’s The Wirecutter Show. I’m Caira Blackwell.
CHRISTINE: I’m Christine Cyr Clisset.
ROSIE: And I’m Rosie Guerin. And we work at Wirecutter, the product-recommendation site from The New York Times.
CAIRA: Each week, we bring you expert advice from our newsroom of 140 journalists, who review everyday products that will make your life better.
CHRISTINE: Today’s episode of The Wirecutter Show is called “The Vibrator Episode.”
[SOUND EFFECT] Vibration
ROSIE: This episode, we’ll be talking about adult topics with sexual language. If you’ve got kids around, probably best to save the episode for another time.
ROSIE: Christine, you’re blushing.
CHRISTINE: I am totally blushing.
ROSIE: What’s going on?
CHRISTINE: I feel so immature right now. I’ve kind of been dreading but super looking forward to this episode because I think it’s going to be great. And I think it’s super interesting, but I also know that maybe my family is going to listen.
CAIRA: Please, Mom, turn this off!
ROSIE: I love that right now, just shaking our sillies out. We’re doing all the vocal warm-ups, all the giggles, because today we’re talking about vibrators.
CHRISTINE: That’s right, we are talking about vibrators.
ROSIE: And by the way, one of the most popular guides on the Wirecutter site, right? All time.
CHRISTINE: People cannot get enough of this guide. It is way, way up at the top of what people read on Wirecutter all year long, almost every day of the year.
CAIRA: They’re just pulling up their little private browsing page, going straight to Wirecutter for vibes.
CHRISTINE: I mean, we are laughing, right? But it’s also … I think it points to something much deeper, honestly. I think there’s a real hunger for this kind of straight review on vibrators—well tested, well vetted, options—and I feel like there’s just not a lot of great sources for that on the internet. And our writer has tested so many vibrators for this guide and tested with a wide group of people.
ROSIE: It’s through the Wirecutter lens. I mean, at the end of the day, right? It’s given the sort of same treatment that KitchenAid mixers or rollaway suitcases are. It’s just a harder thing maybe to crowdsource advice on. So I think some people crave it in a guide, somewhere they can go, a one-stop shop for really straightforward advice about what you might want to look for when you’re going to make this purchase, because a lot of these aren’t cheap.
CAIRA: Nope—you cannot return them.
ROSIE: So who are we talking to?
CHRISTINE: Well, today we are bringing in Wirecutter’s MVP of sex-toy coverage. Our longtime sex-toy writer.
CAIRA: Yes! Today, we’re going to talk with Bianca Alba. And they are going to tell us about the hangups people have when it comes to sex toys, how they test for our guide. And we’ll run through a ton of different types of vibrators and advice on how to shop for them, because it can be kind of scary and intimidating.
CHRISTINE: Bianca is going to break down exactly how to go about buying a vibrator you’ll hopefully love, and they are also going dish on things you should avoid, because there are some products out there that you really just don’t wanna buy.
ROSIE: Bianca’s brilliant. I’m pumped.
ROSIE: And a very special welcome to any new listeners who found us by way of Apple Podcasts, where The Wirecutter Show is a pick of the month! If you’re new to the show, make sure you check out our other episodes—we’ve talked about laundry, we’ve talked about sheets, air quality, microplastics, and so much more. So you can go and check out those episodes by searching for The Wirecutter Show in Apple Podcasts.
CAIRA: We’ll take a quick break, and then we’ll be back with Bianca, our sex-toy writer. See you in a sec.
CAIRA: Welcome back to The Wirecutter Show. Bianca Alba is a nonbinary sexual-health educator with a master’s in public health, and also works as a coach and journalist. They are Wirecutter’s sex-toy writer, working on our guide to vibrators since 2014.They’ve also written our guides to personal lubricants, condoms, and anal toys, among others. For the vibrator guide alone, Bianca interviewed more than a dozen experts and sex-toy users and tested about 30 vibrators.
CHRISTINE: Bianca, welcome to The Wirecutter Show!
BIANCA: Hi, thanks for having me.
ROSIE: Bianca, I’ve gotta ask. What is the most common reaction that you get when people find out—you’re at a restaurant, you’re at a party, wherever you are—people find out that you review sex toys for a living?
BIANCA: Giggly discomfort, or sometimes they think I’m being provocative or seductive. And it’s like, no, this is really my job. And then when they find out that I’m doing it for The New York Times, they’re like, The New York Times does what? You know, there’s this kind of shock.
ROSIE: What are the eye-roll reactions that you usually get?
BIANCA: There was some guy that I was chatting with, and I said something about how I had to work on the guide. And he was like, “Oh, do you want me to come over and help you?” And I was like, “Oh, do you want to help me set up a spreadsheet and email some vendors? Cause that’s what I’m gonna be doing.”
ROSIE: Actually, I’d love a tour of the new Excel, uh, if you…
CHRISTINE: I definitely need an assistant.
CHRISTINE: Well, I do actually want to talk a little bit about the reactions that people have to this guide, especially, coming out of a publication that is part of The New York Times Company. Whenever we promote this guide, we tend to get a lot of little jokes dropped on social media. even within the comments section of the guide. We have certain people who comment who seem to be sort of scandalized that a publication from The New York Times would be reviewing vibrators. So I’m just wondering, why do you think this guide is both so popular but also so polarizing?
BIANCA: There is a real double standard about male sexuality. Because there’s a lot of discussion of stuff like Viagra, and condoms are not so taboo to discuss, but the idea that there is a product that is specifically just to give a person with a vulva a clitoral orgasm is like, “Oh no.” It’s either funny or uncomfortable or titillating, when I think it’s really just a part of health. You know, healthy sexuality, healthy connection, healthy intimacy. For me, what this guide is really about is closing the orgasm gap. Research has shown that 75% of people with vulvas, namely heterosexual women, are not going to be able to have an orgasm just from penetrative sex. And there’s sort of an expectation that they should be able to. A lot of the time people need direct, clitoral stimulation, and a vibrator is a very effective way to close the orgasm gap. This is something I’m very passionate about as an educator. Like, I actually just got an email from a 75-year-old woman who got her first vibrator after looking at the guide, and she’s like, “This is what I’ve been missing out on all these years!”
CHRISTINE: Wow.
BIANCA: At age 75.
ROSIE: That’s really moving.
BIANCA: Having her first orgasm. Yeah. So I want … I hope for future generations that there are fewer people who have to wait until they’re 75 years old to have their first orgasm.
ROSIE: Who are vibrators for, broadly speaking?
BIANCA: Vibrators aren’t just for people with vulvas. The guide that I’ve written up to this point has been focused on vibrators for clitoral stimulation, but that doesn’t mean that they’re only for people with vulvas. Vibrators can also be used on nipples. They can be used for massage … like, the Magic Wand started out as a massager. Historically, vibrators were used in a lot of medical applications. So, it’s not just for sexual titillation. It’s a stimulator. And they’re increasingly coming out with more vibrators that can be used with penises or, you know, other body parts.
ROSIE: And some don’t even vibrate.
BIANCA: Yeah, um, I just came back from a big trade show, and there’s also a lot of suction toys now that fit over the clitoris or nipples, and there are toys that thump. There are toys that flicker or oscillate. So there’s a lot of emerging technology about what’s going to be the next big thing in this industry in terms of … different people like different types of stimulation.
CAIRA: So, for people who have never had the chance of using a vibrator, in your guide, you recommend that people go to a brick-and-mortar store, just, like, walk right in and ask somebody for help. What are some of the basic things that you should ask if you really don’t know where to start?
BIANCA: So, do maybe a little bit of a self-assessment beforehand about what do you hope to get out of this experience. Is this going to be solo exploration? Is this going to be something you use with a partner? Are you trying to have your first orgasm? Are you trying to just diversify the types of stimulation you enjoy? And maybe you don’t have a clue about that, but it will definitely make it a little bit easier if you go in having some sense of what it is you want out of the experience. And then from there you can talk to a sex-educator employee of one of these establishments, and hopefully they can guide you.
CAIRA: So, Bianca, can you tell us a bit about the different types of vibrators that are out there and that you recommend? Because there’s more than just the classic Magic Wand style, right?
BIANCA: So, depending on what you’re looking for, there are the big wand vibrators. There are smaller palm-sized vibrators that are specifically clitoral stimulators, but you can also use them on other body parts. And if you’re wanting to use them, say, like, in tandem with intercourse, there are some that are really skinny or narrow, so they don’t really get in the way, which is cool. And then we have more internalized stimulators, so ones that are designed to be used for anal or vaginal penetration, G-spot or P-spot play. And those can usually be used on other body parts too, but they’re shaped in a way that they can be used for penetration. And then there are dual stimulators, which is, you know, the classic Rabbit archetype, where you have an internal stimulating part and an external stimulator. And that can manifest in a lot of different ways. But you know, that’s great if you want an all-in-one toy that gives you a blended orgasm.
CHRISTINE: Bianca, I’m very curious: What happened to the Rabbit? That was the one that was really popular with my friends when I was in college.
ROSIE: Yeah, it was like mainstream. It crossed over.
CAIRA: Never heard of it.
BIANCA: Yeah, that was because of a Sex and the City episode. It kind of went viral because of that. I had the original Rabbit Pearl; it never really had enough oomph for me personally. But it has led to many new generations of dual stimulators, including … we’re getting a lot of dual stimulators that use the Womanizer-type suction, rather than an external vibrator, which I’m finding people really like. So, I mean, the Rabbit is sort of like the grandmother of a whole new generation of dual-stimulator vibes, and I think dual-stimulator vibes can be wonderful toys; there are a lot of people who cannot have an orgasm just from clitoral stimulation. And if you need the G-spot stimulation as well, rather than having two toys that you have to use simultaneously using both hands, the cool thing about the suction Rabbits is, once you put it in, it kind of stays in place because the suction kind of locks on to you. So that’s very convenient.
CHRISTINE: What are some examples of the handheld type that you mentioned, the one that kind of fit in your palm? Like, I think we have a few recommendations in the guide right now for those.
BIANCA: Sure. So the ones that we have in the guide right now … our budget pick is the Satisfyer Purple Pleasure, which I think is, like, about $40 on the Satisfyer site. So it’s very affordable, and it does fit in the palm of your hand and has kind of a rounded, tapered tip. So, it fits between the vulva lips very nicely, and it’s small, it’s easy to, like, put in a purse or in a bedside table drawer or something like that. Like, that’s one of the real advantages, it’s that it’s very portable and it’s rechargeable, so it doesn’t have a cord, it’s not bulky. I think the other small pick we have is the Dame Aer, which is a suction vibrator, which is also very small and is great for partner play because it is so narrow that it doesn’t get in the way, but also great for solo play. And then we have the Lelo Dot, which is very unique and one of my personal favorites because it’s very pointy. So it focuses all of the vibration right at the tip, at this little pinpoint which you can direct. There’s been research that shows that different people’s clitorises have different sensitivities on … like, I always go on the left side. I’m sure there are people who go on the right side, but most people have more sensitivity in more parts of their clitoris than the others. So it allows you to target the stimulation, exactly where you want it. So those are some examples of handheld vibrators that we currently have in our guide, like, smaller ones.
CHRISTINE: Okay, so … what are some strategies or ways that people can think through, like, how to choose between the various options? Is it by price? Is it by style of vibrator? Like, what do you recommend?
BIANCA: I think it’s helpful if you know what sort of intensity … I feel like that’s a really good place to start, because I would say a lot of the quote-unquote beginner options, the more affordable—not all of them, but a lot of them tend to be less powerful. And there’s this sort of idea that if, oh, if this is your first vibrator, then you don’t want it to be as strong, because that’s scary. But the reality is, there are a lot of people who cannot have an orgasm unless the vibrator is very powerful. So they might buy this $30 bullet, and it just doesn’t get them anywhere. For me, my first sex toy was the Magic Wand, which is one of the most powerful ones on the market, and that’s usually the one I go to. So I don’t think that, oh, you’re a beginner, therefore you need a milder vibrator. I don’t think that’s universally true. But it’s good to assess “Am I someone who’s kind of ticklish? Is, like, a little bit of stimulation a lot for me?” or “Am I someone who’s gonna need a lot to get over the edge just based on previous experiences?” You know, so that’s a place to start. If you’re someone who can masturbate with your hand and have an orgasm in under two minutes, then you might be fine with a less powerful vibrator; you might need less stimulation. On the other hand, if you’re someone where you’re receiving oral sex for an hour straight, and you still cannot get over the edge, then you might want something that’s a little more powerful that gives you a little more intensity. So if you’re more sensitive or kind of in the middle, maybe start with the budget pick. You know, because it’s not really high risk, and it works for a lot of people. If you want more power, go for the Magic Wand. And honestly, I do recommend the Magic Wand to everyone. Not everyone loves it, because there’s no one-size-fits-all. But the thing I always tell people is, even if you hate it as a sex toy, it’s a really good back massager. So you’re not wasting your money!
CAIRA: That’s really funny!
BIANCA: Like, there are other things you can use it for. So it’s a worthwhile investment.
CAIRA: You brought up the Magic Wand a couple of times. Can you describe what that looks like? Because in my head, I think I’ve seen it in the guide, like, it looks really big, and it’s kind of intimidating.
BIANCA: It is big. It is big, and it’s kind of ugly. It’s, like, blue and white. When I did my first iteration of the guide, a lot of people gave feedback. “Oh, this is ugly.” “This looks like a medical device.” “This looks like a microphone.” But they’ve sort of owned that, and that’s their brand. Like, a lot of competitors have been, like, “Oh, well, we offer a more elegant wand that’s purple or black or something like that.” And Magic Wand is, like, “No, we have this really iconic brand. Maybe it’s kind of ugly and clinical-looking, but people recognize it.” So, yeah, it is huge. I don’t know exactly how big it is—
CHRISTINE: It’s very tall. I’ve seen … I’ve seen these before. They’re very big. Magic Wand has also been around for a long time, right? I mean, it’s, like, isn’t it from, like, the ’50s or something?
BIANCA: I believe the 1960s, but yeah, it is. Manufactured by Hitachi, which is a Japanese company. And it was originally sold as a back massager. And then sex educators like Betty Dodson kind of helped popularize it as a sex toy. And there’s actually been a lot of academic research done about women with anorgasmia having their first orgasm using Betty Dodson’s strategy with the Magic Wand. Like, she has a particular protocol that she uses. So there has been scientific research that shows that for people who struggle to reach orgasm, the Magic Wand is often the thing that gets them over the edge. There’s a lot of reasons why it’s been our top pick for a decade, but it gets the job done. So that’s why I kind of recommend it to everyone, even if they’re a beginner, because, yes, it is very powerful, but if you need milder stimulation, you can do something like put a blanket or towels between your vulva and the wand, and that’ll help kind of diffuse the stimulation somewhat, and also I know lots of people with penises who like it too … like, it’s very versatile, there are attachments, so I don’t think it’s a bad first investment. And I think if you get the corded version, you can get that for under $100, which is a very reasonable price.
CHRISTINE: And what’s the difference, like, why would you choose corded versus battery?
BIANCA: Convenience, I guess. Like, they’ve released a bunch of different iterations, and the rechargeable one, you don’t have to deal with carrying the cord around, but it is heavier because more of the mechanism is internal. So I … actually, my favorite one is the Magic Wand Plus, which is the kind of upgraded, fancier corded one. It has a silicone head. It has more settings. It has a detachable cord—because one of the issues with the older versions is that the cord would fry out, and then the thing was done. Whereas this one, if the cord wears out, you can just replace the cord and still have the body of the toy work.
ROSIE: That’s interesting. Sustainability, but also accessibility. I think the idea of having it be something that’s heavier could potentially be prohibitive. You’re speaking about using these toys … I’m curious. You’ve tested a lot of vibrators, both for this guide and for the guides that you’ve published in Wirecutter over the years. Describe your testing process. What is it like?
BIANCA: Well, initially I do research, and like I said, I just went to a big trade show, and I met all these companies face to face, which was amazing because I can read reviews online and I get a lot of information from seeing, you know, what are the trends, what are the things that people are reviewing, what’s on the different store websites, but actually getting to go in person and talk to the people who designed it, and feel it on my hands and whatever, is a big game changer. So I go through the research process. I also, where I am in Chicago, live close to Early to Bed; they’re literally two blocks from my house. I will just walk in there, and I will just play, and I will talk to their sex educators. It’s an amazing resource for me to have. I’m just lucky enough to live right next to them. And then I do research online. So I am constantly paying attention to: What has hype? What is the things that are sticking around? Like, for example, suction vibrators first emerged in 2014 with the Womanizer. And that was a very controversial thing. A lot of people hate the name, and the original iteration was very tacky-looking. It had a lot of rhinestones and leopard print. It was a very strange-looking toy. But when that first came out, people were so divided about this new sensation that it was suction, and it was hard to get your hands on one. And now suction vibrators are a huge part of the industry, and most companies make one. So, I’m just always looking for what’s gonna be the next thing that blows up.
CHRISTINE: You referenced earlier the spreadsheet. Can you explain a little bit how you build out, like, a research spreadsheet to keep all the information in?
BIANCA: Sure, the vibrator guide usually gets an update once or twice a year. So, you know, throughout the year I might add things to that spreadsheet. And then once I’m actually in the testing process, I have a spreadsheet with the list of the toys, and then I keep track of all the different criteria we’re looking at. So that might be, like, okay, what kind of warranty does it have? How long does it take to charge? How long does it hold a charge? And then I have to do a battery test to see if that’s actually true. All the different technical things. And then I usually test it on my own at least three or four times, because the first time I use a toy, especially if it’s a novel type of stimulation that I’m not used to, I may not vibe with it. And also, I am AFAB, so I have a hormonal cycle, and I’m perimenopausal at this point too, so my sex drive can be kind of variable. And depending on where I am in my cycle, if I’m on a low-sex-drive day, it doesn’t matter how good the toy is, I might just not really be into it. So I try to make sure that everything I test gets a fair shot from me. And a lot of the time it’s just, like, “Okay, this is nice,” or sometimes it is really terrible, but most of the time it’s just, like, okay. And then once in a while I’ll get something where I’m, like, “Wow, this is a game changer.” And at that point, that’s when we send it out to secondary testers to be, like, “Okay, what do you think of it?” Because I’m only one body, and I don’t think that I am the authority on what toys are good. But I’ve had enough experience testing things in these different categories that I can be, like, “Oh, yeah, this is significantly more powerful than what I’ve seen up to this point.” Or “This has this feature, which is really new.” So regardless of what my personal physiology is, I’m able to objectively compare the features and the strength and the qualities of any toy that I test.
ROSIE: You described yourself as, as AFAB, meaning assigned female at birth.
BIANCA: Assigned female at birth.
ROSIE: Which begs the question: The testers, the folks you are crowdsourcing for information, is there a broad diversity of folks you’re testing with so that you’re getting as wide an array of feedback as possible for each product?
BIANCA: Absolutely. We try to test across the lifespan. I haven’t had a chance to work with testers in their 60s or 70s yet, although that might be something I get to do in future because I’ve connected with some really cool, actually, cougars that I met at a sex club in Toronto. So, we’re, like, “Oh, yeah, we want to test.” And these are ladies in their 60s and 70s, and I was, like, that would be so cool to work with seniors who are really excited about vibrators! But up to this point, I would say it’s been people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s at this point. So I’m trying to get a range. We did a little bit of an audit recently where I was, like, I want to get more input about what is the criteria for a good sex toy for trans women who have either had gender-affirming surgery or not. And so I did a lot of research on that. I did a lot of research on what are good sex toys for AFAB people who are perimenopausal or menopausal. How do the needs shift? And also disability accessibility—so, you know, maybe people who have limited grip strength. There are a lot of different considerations for different folks about what’s going to make a good toy. So I interviewed a lot of people, and we have limited space, but I’m trying to incorporate more information about “Okay, in addition to everything else about this toy, it is great if you have arthritis in your hands because the handle is shaped a certain way.” Or “This works equally well with penises as it does with vulvas.” So we’re trying to make it as inclusive as possible in the limited space that we have for the guide.
CHRISTINE: What I’m hearing here is that if you want to buy a vibrator, the first place to start is to kind of understand what you like, either in partnered or solo sex, to help you figure out what type of vibrator you might want to get. And if you can access a physical store, it’s a great idea to go in and kind of try things out on your hand. And, if you’re lost, just get the Magic Wand!
CAIRA: We’re gonna take a quick break, and then when we come back we’ll talk through things to avoid when shopping for a vibrator and why you shouldn’t give up on a vibrator if you don’t really love it the first time around. Be right back.
CHRISTINE: Welcome back to The Wirecutter Show. Today we’re talking about vibrators: what, where, and how to buy. Our guest is Bianca Alba, Wirecutter’s sex-toy writer for over a decade. So far we’ve talked about the taboos surrounding vibrators and gotten into how to find a vibrator you might like. Now we’re going to get into some of the things to avoid and what to do if you don’t end up liking the vibrator you buy.
CAIRA: It’s really interesting because at Wirecutter we’re always coming across, like, knock-offs for all kinds of things. People don’t want to spend that much money. But I think nowadays it’s just … it’s a hazard when you’re trying to shop online. So to that end, Bianca, are there knock-off vibrators being sold out there?
BIANCA: Absolutely, especially when you’re using a retailer like Amazon. You can buy sex toys on, like, Temu and Alibaba now, too. So, yeah, you do want to be careful, especially in terms of what materials they’re using, because it might say it’s silicone on the package, but it’s actually something else. And, there’s issues with materials off-gassing chemicals like phthalates. Those materials also harbor bacteria and can lead to infections. So you want to make sure that you’re getting a genuine product that’s actually what it says it is. And you might have issues with longevity, too; if you buy a cheaper model, it’s going to break in a few months. So it’s worth spending the extra money to get an authentic product.
CAIRA: And what are the telltale signs that you might be buying a knock-off?
BIANCA: I would say the main thing to look out for is if the price is too good to be true. So if you see something that’s claiming to be a Magic Wand, but it’s $30, when the product usually retails for $130, that’s not going to be the real deal.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, it’s kind of true of all things.
ROSIE: That may be true of a lot of things, yeah.
CHRISTINE: Too cheap to be true.
ROSIE: Well, so, but speaking of price, you know, sex toys, vibrators can be pretty expensive. A lot of folks are looking for affordable options, so do you have advice when it is actually worth it to go for the expensive toy?
BIANCA: If you’re experienced with the brand, if you’ve had a chance to see it in person, if you’ve read a lot of reviews, then that’s when I might pull the trigger on something that’s at a higher price point. But I don’t think you actually have to break the bank. You can stay within $100, and that’s how much you should … plan to invest, you know, ballpark $100 to get something really good. Maybe you can find something for $50, maybe it’s $150. And also look at the warranty, because some brands offer really great five- or 10-year warranties, and that way, as long as you know it’s, like, a long-term investment, that might be worth a little bit more money, knowing that if it breaks, you can get a replacement.
CHRISTINE: So, Bianca, what if you buy a vibrator, and you just don’t like it? You can’t take it back. What do you advise people do then?
BIANCA: I would say don’t dismiss it on the first try. I had my first orgasm using a showerhead, to be perfectly honest. And it took me a while to acclimate to a different type of stimulation. Because I was used to having an orgasm with water, basically, from water pressure, switching to a vibrator felt very different. And initially I wasn’t really a fan of it. So I think it’s important to remember that your body kind of has a learning curve. And it could be that if you don’t like a toy, you don’t like a toy. And that’s fine. But don’t dismiss it without giving it a couple tries, unless it’s painful or it really gives you a sensory ick or something like that. But if you’re just kind of, like, meh, revisit it. Try using it in different ways. Add lube. Try it with a partner. Maybe it’s fun as a teasing or warm-up toy, or maybe try it on a different body part, there might be some other way that it’s more pleasurable or a different type of purpose that it can serve for you.
CHRISTINE: So what if you just really don’t like it? You just throw it away?
BIANCA: Okay, this is where things get messy. There’s not really a lot of good information about what to do with toys, how to dispose of them, because a lot of them contain lithium batteries, and so you can’t really throw it in the garbage. And there was some company that was doing recycling for a while. I don’t think that’s happening anymore. There’s an artist who’s, like, building a house out of sex toys.
CHRISTINE: Whaaat?
BIANCA: Like, she’s collecting sex toys to build this art project as a statement about how to dispose of them. I think a lot of people just put them in the trash, which is not great. Because I have to test so many sex toys, I will disinfect them with bleach and re-home them with friends, and I realize that’s not for everyone. But I go through so many toys, I don’t need a collection of 500 toys…
ROSIE: Well now you know that you have another option, which is to build a house.
CHRISTINE: There is a housing crisis, you know.
BIANCA: Exactly!
CAIRA: That is not our official guidance.
ROSIE: Not our official guidance.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, that’s not in the guide. You heard it here, but it’s not official.
ROSIE: But we also … we do have a guide, I think, on the site for how to clean sex toys, so that might be a good resource for folks, too.
BIANCA: Yes. Yes.
CAIRA: Bianca, you did this really, really good Ask Me Anything on Reddit about vibrators. And first of all, people were interested … like, you had so many great questions. So we thought we’d bring some of those here as a lightning round. Are you up for it?
BIANCA: I’ll do my best.
CAIRA: Okay. Question number one: What do you advise if buying for a partner?
BIANCA: Talk to your partner. So I had this conversation with the owner of Early to Bed, and she says there are so many times that men will buy a vibrator for their female partner and just surprise them with it. And then it’s, like, “Oh, she didn’t like it. Now I want to return it.” And it’s, like, did you even ask her if she wanted this?
ROSIE: So not a good surprise gift?
BIANCA: Yeah, not a good surprise gift. Like, if you have a relationship where sex toys are already a part of it, and you use sex toys regularly, and you know each other’s tastes, that’s fine. But I would say make that decision together and work together. Like, if you’re, like, “Hey, I want to buy you a sex toy,” let the person pick out and pay for it rather than just picking something out and being, like, “Here, use this,” you know?
CAIRA: Kind of like an engagement ring.
BIANCA: Yeah, absolutely!
ROSIE: People are going to come for us in the comments.
CAIRA: What? Okay, question number two: Does size actually matter with vibrators, or is it just about how you use them?
BIANCA: Okay, it depends on whether this is an external vibrator, an internal vibrator … everyone has different preferences. I would say with external vibrators, if you want more power, it’s probably going to be bigger, because it’s going to need a bigger motor. With internal vibrators, everyone has their size preference. So I don’t think that bigger is better unless you like bigger.
CAIRA: Last question: What type of lube should you use with a vibrator?
BIANCA: It depends on what type of vibrator you have. So anything that’s silicone, there are issues with using silicone toys with silicone lube, because the molecules can bond and cause the toy to warp. So I would say that water-based lube is generally a safe bet. Oil-based lubes can sometimes damage mechanized toys. So I just, you know, default to the water-based if you’re gonna use lube with your toys. Which I do recommend, that you use lube with your toys.
CAIRA: Before we wrap, we always ask our guests one last question. So, Bianca, what was the last product that you bought that you absolutely love?
BIANCA: Okay, the thing I’m currently obsessed with is, it’s this little blender that’s called, like, the Beast Blender, and it’s a mini smoothie blender that maybe holds 12 ounces of liquid. Because I was making smoothies in my Vitamix, and I always end up with, like, 3 quarts’ worth of smoothies, because I’m, like, “To put all the stuff in it that I thought I wanted in my smoothie, I would have too much smoothie.” And this itty-bitty blender … I actually get one smoothie, or one coffee frappé out of it, and it’s just, like, my new obsession. I’m making myself drinks with it all day long. I do not recommend it as a sex toy—that would be a one-time use sex toy!
CHRISTINE: Thank you so much, Bianca. It’s been great to chat with you.
BIANCA: It’s been wonderful. Thank you so much.
CHRISTINE: Alright, guys. We kept it in. We kept our giggles in.
CAIRA: For now.
ROSIE: And we learned!
CHRISTINE: And we learned a lot! Oh my goodness! There were so many things that Bianca shared that I didn’t know before. So what are your takeaways from this episode?
CAIRA: If all else fails, your Magic Wand can be a back massager.
CHRISTINE: The original use of the Magic Wand. It can just be that again.
ROSIE: Sustainability, I love it. I think my big takeaway… Was it Socrates? “Know thyself?”
CAIRA: Yes.
ROSIE: I assume Socrates was indeed talking about, um, vibrators. Fact-check me. No, but in order to wade into this wide world of sex toys and vibrators, it’s important to understand what you want and what might work for you personally. And so being able to ask the right questions and educate yourself and explore and understand what it is that you might want is a really great first step.
CHRISTINE: Yeah, I like that, too. I think my takeaway is that if you at first do not like it, try, try again. And I think that the interesting thing Bianca said about how a person’s body can change throughout the month. I think sometimes, as a culture, we sort of ignore that. That’s just not part of the conversation. So I think that was really interesting that maybe if you don’t like something at first, try it at a different time of the month. Maybe you’re stressed. Try it on vacation. And then if you don’t … if you don’t like it, then give it up.
ROSIE: It’s true. So many great insights from Bianca. And if you want to find out more about Wirecutter’s coverage, you’ll find links to Bianca’s vibrator and lubricant guides in the show notes. You can also go to nytimes.com/wirecutter, linked in the show notes. And that’s it for us. Caira, Christine!
CHRISTINE: See you next time!
ROSIE: Peace! Bye!
ROSIE: Here’s what’s coming up next time on The Wirecutter Show.
DOUG: A mouse can fit through a hole the size of what? A) A quarter. B) A nickel. Or C) A dime.
ROSIE: Make sure you’re following the show on your favorite podcast app so you don’t miss an episode.
ROSIE: And thanks again to Apple and the editors over there for featuring us as a pick of the month! Every month the Apple Podcasts editorial team chooses a show they think you’ll want to spend a lot of time with. We’re thrilled The Wirecutter Show is this month’s pick. You can find a link in the show notes to see the other picks in the Society & Culture category.
ROSIE: The Wirecutter Show is executive produced by Rosie Guerin and produced by Abigail Keel. Editing by Abigail Keel. Engineering support from Maddy Masiello and Nick Pitman. Episodes are mixed by Daniel Ramirez and Sophia Lanman. Original music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Elisheba Ittoop, and Diane Wong. Wirecutter’s deputy publisher and interim general manager is Cliff Levy. Ben Frumin is Wirecutter’s editor-in-chief.
CAIRA: I’m Caira Blackwell.
CHRISTINE: I’m Christine Cyr Clisset.
ROSIE: And I’m Rosie Guerin.
[BLOOPER]
ROSIE: There was a moment where I was, like, my grandmother’s rolling in her grave.